Wow. I am not sure if words can even describe how I feel right now, but I will do my best to express the most gratitude to the Lord for giving me this past season of my life. The words “going home” have made my stomach turn upside down these past 2 weeks, the kind of feeling I used to get right before a big test or a performance on a stage.

Writing this, I am on a plane, in a row all by myself, with none of my squamates with me- the people I called family for the past 9 months. I cannot help but replay memory after memory that I have had. I feel full of love, yet empty at the same time.  But I guess that what makes meeting great people the most special- is that it is the hardest to say goodbye.

This morning was probably one of the sweetest, yet hardest times on the race. The hugs, the tears, the joy, the laughter. It was all present. And that is one of the many reasons that made this season so worth it. It was a hard concept to me that I wasn’t being called to college. It was the norm and what I thought I was supposed to do all my life. But suddenly, that wasn’t the case. But man, how different my life would have been! How different my heart would be. How different my walk with Christ would be.

This trip radically changed my life. Halfway though, however, I wasn’t so sure. I knew my perspectives had changed, but it wasn’t till my parents were on the field that I actually realized that I was different. And I thank the Lord for this transformation daily. It’s hard to put it in words, but I am coming home changed in the best way!

Being out of the country in places where Jesus’ name is unheard of has shifted and shaped my perspective on my faith, especially for how precious faith truly is! It is truly a GIFT that I have grown up in a country where the freedom of religion is present. It is a GIFT that my parents dragged me to church even when I hated going. It is a GIFT that I can carry my bible out in the open without covering it up. The opportunity to share His love like we are called to is endless in America, and I am so excited to see how the Lord will work in the next season of my life as well as my squad mates in this beautiful, yet broken nation. We are called to ALL nations, and that includes the red, white and blue.

Colombia, you were a dream. The first country of the race, and it felt so surreal! We were all beyond excited to get our hands dirty and serve. And what a joy it was! We were face to face with heartbreaking addiction and pain, yet the Lord provided so much hope for His children. We were a part of a beautiful ministry in the heart of Medellín where we had the privilege of coming underneath these fearless followers of Christ and help empower their ministry so they could reach the lost. This season was a season of a lot of waiting on the Lord, answered questions, growth, and a huge step forward for our squad as a whole. This was our only all-squad country, and we had an absolute BLAST with each other. Was definitely my worst country in terms of bedtimes, but laughing with these people made it all worth it.

Being in Vietnam was a big shift, both culturally and ministry wise. With a completely new ministry and a larger set of rules for sharing the gospel openly because Vietnam is a communist nation, it was a struggle for our team to see the fruit of our labor, which often caused frustration and a slight spirit of rebellion against the regulations that were put in front of us. From this place, the Lord really broke our hearts for nations like Vietnam. Along with that, he truly humbled us in so many ways and taught us that it is literally NOT about us, it is NOT us saving these people, but it all flows from our Father who loves us so much that He willingly chose us to be His living vessels to reach His children. And the reality is that he could have done it with or without me. But he chose us, not by my will or plan, but His.

The Philippines was so beautiful in so many ways, mainly through the people. I got the privilege of serving at the local high school which gave me the sweetest friendships that I made on the race! These students were close to my age which made it easier to connect. And wow, it is hard to describe them to you in the fullest ability! At this point in the race, I was starting to have some big questions and some doubts in my faith. One question I was wrestling with was “why do I  believe?” And God used these people to reveal that to me. Joy! Joy is one of the biggest reasons why I choose to believe in God. These local kids held so much joy in every part of their lives through every valley and mountain, and it is truly because of Christ leading in their hearts. This kind of pure joy and happiness only comes through Him, and this was made so clear during my time in the Philippines.

Ending off the race in South Africa was so sweet, yet very stretching for our team. With over 7 months of the race under our belts, we were often thrown into situations where we had to plan our outreach visits on the spot. With many questions about our trip from school students, we learned how to be prepared to answer any questions about this mission and questions about the gospel when we go home as well. Another huge part of this season was the secret place with the Lord. I had never really sought out consistent alone time with the Lord on the trip until South Africa. These moments helped clear my mind and group me throughout the day when I started to get overwhelmed with thinking about my plans post-race as well as missing home.

Now, being back in the states, I have had a lot of time to sit and reflect and verbally process as a team what happened these last 9 months. What we have learned, how we have seen God move. And one of the biggest takeaways for me is a deepened understanding of living the Christian life- to the fullest. The last 2 months on the race I thought and prayed a lot about fully surrendering. Let me explain a picture to you that helped me put it into perspective:

Picture a bird inside of a cage with the cage door open. This cage is sitting in the most beautiful, lush, forest with beauty at every turn. The bird flies out of the open cage for little bits of time, but always returns to the cage.

The bird has the full potential and opportunity to leave the cage and leave this caged up and trapped life behind, but is still clinging onto it.

I feel like I have lived that life for a long time, and this trip has really opened my eyes into the fullness of life that is found in not just believing, but FOLLOWING our Lord. It’s not as simple as just writing that down, because we live in a world where nothing about following Jesus is normal. Choosing a path of the word and not of the world is not normal. In a world that is selfish, He calls us to live selfless. In a world that strives for comfortability and success, He calls us to push into discomfort for the advancement of His kingdom, not our own wealth.  With the race at a close, I pray that He continues to grow me in these ways, away from the ways of the world and towards His.

Way back to August, I vividly remember walking away from my mom and dad, going up the escalator, and my dear parents disappearing from my sight. At that moment, I was absolutely terrified. I felt like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. I cried the whole plane ride there. And that night in my tent, I thought to myself, “Lord, what have I done.”

Flash-forward to now, I have a clear picture of waving goodbye to some squamates as we pulled the airport vans away, a clear picture of the “Adventures in Missions” sign fading in the distance, and a clear picture of 3 of my closest friends disappearing at my gate as I waved goodbye for the last time. At that moment, I was absolutely crushed. I felt like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. I cried the entire time as I walked down the ramp and sat in my seat. And that night in my room, I thought to myself, “Lord, look what you did.”

As I mourn this past season, I am so expectant for what the Lord will do.

I am eternally grateful for this past season and all the people who came along side me in prayer, fundraising, and support. It means the world to me and I am so glad the Lord has placed you in my life. Thank you for helping me along my journey and sending me. I couldn't have done it without you all!

With love and sincerest gratitude,

Ellie